Home Blog Coming Home: Questions and Confessions

Coming Home: Questions and Confessions

by Emma June 15, 2015 0 comment
cape cod, wellfleet, shoulder season, beach, footprints in sand

When will you settle down?

Are you going to stay this time?

Can you stay somewhere permanently?

Will you not leave this time?

Are you going to roam forever?

When will you get a real job?

Scared
Can I ever answer these questions and not feel like I’m cheating myself out of the true answer? Can I make a life and a living without settling down? Can I not pack up your things and make a dash for the door? Will I stay and plant myself firmly in one spot? Will I ever know?

These days it feels like more questions than answers and more uncertainty than ever. Questions from loved ones, friends, coworkers and strangers all bounce around in my head. “I don’t know” is my only answer and that is okay. Not knowing is my most steady defense. It is honest and nearly always satisfies because truly, I do not know.

If I knew when I would settle down, stay somewhere permanently, get a “real job”, make a living… then I wouldn’t be writing this. I would not have this website. I would not have this life.

Coming home is difficult in the most wonderful way.

I am not a true digital nomad; I do not spend years abroad working away in a foreign café, making money off of my website or teaching English. I come home to work. I come home to make my yearly meager salary, a mish-mash of two or three jobs, a room in someone else’s home, a recharge of my familial and financial batteries.

Inlet
To rediscover hidden gems in the place I’ve called home for so long, to look at it with new eyes, that is reason alone to travel and return.

I don’t know if I will ever stop coming home. I don’t know if I will ever stop leaving. I don’t know if I will ever relate to those of you who have gone the “normal” route, the ones with families and mortgages and a 401k. But I do know this, I’ve missed you and always will.

The beautiful upside to not knowing is that the opportunities are endless. The door is open. The windows swing wide.

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