I am not who I say I am.
If you’ve been to this website before, you’ll read posts about a certain lifestyle. Meditation. Slowing down. Living simply. Enjoying your surroundings. Getting out of your comfort zone, your head, your country.
However, every year, when I return to the States. I do something that horrifies me.
I turn into the person I left behind before my _____xyz____ adventure. I value monetary gain over my personal wellness. I work myself into an oblivion to the point where my body revolts. I don’t meditate. I don’t practice yoga enough. I purchase things I don’t need. I complain about clients, customers, patrons. I forget that running water is a blessing, that drinking from the tap is a miracle, and that life does not revolve around reality television.
In short- I fall prey to the monster that is capitalism, consumerism and status. I stop listening to myself.
But I “need” to. I spend a lot (sometimes over half) of the year traveling, writing, and exploring. This allows me to create this website, connections and freelance opportunities. Working my tail off at home funds those plane tickets, pays my bills, and fosters the opportunity to discover it all.
However, when I AM home I start slipping back into the storyline that was mine before I left.
There is something inside of me that smiles every time I take that extra shift, buy that beer, click Add to Cart. It is my ego. It is the seed that is planted by every advertising company, every boss, every higher up that pushes me to do more. It motivates me to stay late, to count that extra dollar and feel satisfaction for earning it.
Out of the 98 mornings I have here on Cape Cod, Massachusetts, I’ve eaten a meal sitting down 9 times. I usually consume breakfast through a straw, out of a mason jar, while driving my car to whatever job. Lunch is shoved in while I complete other tasks. I eat my dinners standing in a bustling kitchen, over a trash can, at 11:30 PM.
I forget to look for the sunset, to feel the breeze, to sit silently.
I realize that I preach one thing, do another.
Here is my take on what needs to be done:
Do something every day, every week, every month that helps me live my dream. Instead of stopping and waiting for everything to fall in to place, what if I just started now?
What if you did too?